Sinking and Rising: How Mindfulness Changes Our Relationship with Failure

We all have bad days, weeks, months—or even a whole year.

(Cue the Friends theme song: “I’ll be there for you…” 🙂 )

And yes, when we fail, we often feel the same: broken, miserable, lost, and upset.

But there’s a strange paradox in failure—it can make you feel like you’re sinking, yet somehow, it’s also what pushes you forward.

Recently, my conference paper got rejected.

My first reaction was brutal:

“Seriously? It was just a conference! If I can’t even manage this, what am I good at?”

But then I paused.

I took a deep breath.

Gave some space to those thoughts without getting tangled in them.

Eventually, I laughed and made a self-sarcastic joke to myself. That little moment of humor helped me find some lightness in all the chaotic self-criticism

You invest effort and energy into something, and when it doesn’t work out, it hurts. Of course it does. Sure, failure shows us where we can improve — but that’s not what today’s post is about.

In my opinion, being emotionally prepared for failure is hard.

But I believe we can train ourselves to respond differently—to face setbacks with more grace, no judgement.

That’s where mindfulness and self-reflection come in.

Mindfulness isn’t a magic fix, but it’s a powerful tool that helps me stay grounded.

According to Mindfulness: Therapists’ Guide to the Basics of Mindfulness (Bien & Didonna, 2008), mindfulness practice encompasses various techniques and approaches designed to cultivate awareness and presence in the moment. Here are some key components and practices typically associated with mindfulness:

1. Meditation: Mindfulness meditation is a core practice where individuals focus their attention, often on the breath, to develop greater awareness of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment.

2. Mindful Breathing: Paying attention to the natural rhythm of breathing helps to anchor individuals in the present moment. This can include techniques such as the “Three Minute Breathing Space,” where practitioners are guided to observe their breath and sensations. As for me, in critical or emotionally intense moments, I turn to Pranayama—a set of ancient yogic breathing techniques. It helps me restore balance and find a sense of calm, even when everything feels overwhelming.

3. Body Scan: This technique involves systematically focusing attention on different body parts, observing sensations without trying to change anything. It encourages a deeper connection with the body.

4. Mindful Movement: Incorporating physical activity like yoga, jogging or mindful walking helps individuals engage with their bodies in a conscious and deliberate way, promoting body awareness. Sometimes painting the wall or washing the floor might help.

5. Sensory Awareness: Practicing being present with all five senses—sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch—helps deepen our connection to the present moment and allows us to fully experience the richness of life.

One of my favorite ways to explore this is during a simple walk. Here’s how I do it:

• Sight: I begin by scanning everything within my field of vision—trees, people passing by, architecture, movement, light, colors.
• Sound: Then I tune in to the sounds around me. Footsteps, birds, wind, distant voices, or even the rustle of my clothes.
• Smell: Next, I try to catch any scents—flowers, food, fresh air, or the subtle smells we usually ignore.
• Taste: I reflect on any lingering taste from what I ate or drank earlier. Even if I’m not eating at the moment, the taste can still be there.
• Touch: I bring my attention to how my clothes feel on my skin, the air against my face, the weight of my steps.
• And finally, I try to blend all these sensations together and stay with the full experience for a moment.
  It’s fun, grounding, and surprisingly energizing. Give it a try sometime—you might discover something new about your environment… or yourself.

6. Mindfulness in Daily Activities: Mindfulness isn’t limited to meditation cushions or yoga mats—it can be woven into our everyday routines. The key is to fully engage with whatever you’re doing, whether it’s eating, washing dishes, brushing your teeth, or walking to work.

One simple practice I enjoy is tuning into my body first thing in the morning.
Before reaching for breakfast, I pause and ask myself:
“Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? What does my body truly want right now?”

Noticing these subtle internal cues—rather than just following automatic habits—helps me connect more deeply with myself and my needs. And the beauty is, you can apply this kind of attention to almost anything.

Mindfulness in daily life is about showing up—fully and kindly—for yourself and your present experience.

7. Acceptance and Non-Judgment: A key characteristic of mindfulness practice is developing an accepting attitude toward one’s experiences. This includes recognizing thoughts and emotions as they occur without labeling them as good or bad. This practice very helpful during high emotionally situations, you allow those emotions pass by.

8. Journaling or Reflection: After mindfulness practices, reflecting on the experience can help deepen understanding and awareness of personal insights or changes in perception and emotions.

9. Group Practice and Support: Engaging in mindfulness practices within a supportive group setting can enhance motivation and provide a sense of community, facilitating shared experiences.

Personally, I love getting together with my friends over shawarma. We turn it into our own little mindful ritual. No judgment, just open-hearted conversation, laughter, and a space where everyone can be themselves.

10. Psychoeducation: Learning about mindfulness, its principles, and its intended effects can help individuals integrate these practices into their lives meaningfully. The internet is full of free resources: video courses, guided meditations, breathing exercises, and more.

But a small word of caution—be mindful of who you’re learning from. Not every influencer or self-proclaimed “coach” offers grounded, evidence-based advice. When possible, seek out licensed professionals and official materials. Your well-being deserves reliable guidance.

These practices help create a habit of awareness—one that can lead to more emotional balance, less stress, and a deeper appreciation of the present moment.

And honestly, that matters not just in academic life, but in life itself.

Academia just happens to be where we often feel the most self-doubt, pressure, and breakdowns.

But if we can meet even failure with kindness and presence, we’ve already succeeded in something much deeper.

by Aigerim Sultanbekova

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